Cast: Person, 3 Tie Salesmen, Maitre d'
Setting: Desert
Person: (Gasping) Water! I need water!
#1: Sir! Would you like to buy a tie? This one would look so good on you!
Person: I want water, not a tie!
#2: (After a pause) Sir! We're having a tie sale. Would you like to buy a nice tie for a great price?
Person: I'm dying of thirst, and you want to sell me a tie?
#3: (After a pause) Sir! I have these fine silk ties at reasonable prices. Would you care to look at my stock?
Person: Sheesh! What kind of people sell ties in the middle of the desert to thirsty people? (After a pause; looks to the distance) An oasis! I'm saved! (Scrambles over.) Sir! Please! I would like to buy a glass of water!
Maitre d': I'm sorry Sir, but you can't enter this restaurant without a tie.
One day Scouter Kent ( camp chief ) and Scouter Jason ( assistant camp director ) decide to get away from it all and move to the Yukon. The story goes , they sell everything and pack up for a long trip to the Yukon by canoe (get in and row) finally arriving in a sheltered valley they decide that this is the place for them.
Kent: "Nice place , lets build a log cabin"
Jason: Yeah.
So they build a cabin after all that work, they have a nice log cabin to survive the harsh weather of the north. Now fall is at the door.
Kent: "Winter is coming and we need to cut firewood"
Jason: "Yeah".
So they start cutting wood with ax and saw -- cut and saw and saw and cut 5 cords, 10 cords, 15 cords (neatly piled as good scouts know how).
Kent: "Hey Jason think we have enough for the winter?"
Jason: "Yeah, I don't know"
Kent ":I heard that there is an old Hermit on top the mountain that can tell what winter is like here. Lets go and see him".
Jason: "Yeah, OK".
So they pack up and start the long trek to the top of the mountain, through the woods. (Demonstrate going through rivers, mud, climbing a cliff, rain, encountering bears, mountain lions, cats, chickens (wild variety demonstrate the trip). They finally arrive at the top of the mountain where they find an old Hermit sitting on a rock.
Kent, going up to the Hermit and says, "Oh Wise Hermit I was told that you can tell us how the winter will be. Please help us. We are from the south and we had warm winters and oil heaters!"
Jason: "Yeah"
The Hermit gets up and goes to the edge of the mountain, looks around putting his hand to his brow looks straight in front of him and says, "It will be a cold winter, and a long winter.” He goes back to his rock.
Kent: "Thank you Wise Hermit"
Jason:" Yeah, thanks".
So they turn back to their cabin. (Demonstrate trek in reverse).
Kent: "I do not think that we have enough wood for the winter let's cut more."
Jason: "Yeah, yeah"
So for the next two weeks, they cut wood -- 20 more cords. Now they had 35 cords and the snow started falling in the valley and it was cold.
Kent: "Now we have 35 cords, this should be good for winter".
Jason: Yeah
Kent: "We should go and see the Hermit to ask him how the winter will be."
Jason: "Yeah"
REPEAT THE TREK to find the Hermit on his rock on the top of the mountain.
Kent: "Oh Wise Hermit how will the winter be?"
The Hermit gets up goes to the edge of the mountain looks around puts both hands to his brow and says: "It will be a cold winter, a very cold winter, a very long winter!"
Jason: "Oh yeah"
Kent: "Thank you Wise Hermit."
So back to camp they go. Snow is falling more and more now it is November. Again they cut wood , day and night now they have cut 25 more cords 60 cords in all.
Kent: "I think this should be plenty for the winter. But we should see the Hermit to be safe."
Jason: "Yeah" (Jason should be getting a laugh by now)
So again they trek up the mountain for the third time. (Demonstrate trek again) All tired and sore from their encounters, finally, 5 days later, they got to top of the mountain where the old Hermit is covered with snow sitting on his rock as usual.
Kent: "Oh Wise Hermit, tell us one more time what will the winter be like?"
Jason: "Yeah."
Again the Hermit gets up goes to the edge of the mountain and putting his hand to his brow and says: "It will be a big winter, a very big winter."
Kent: "Oh Wise Hermit tell me how you know this. Is it because of the mountains the animals? I want to learn how to read signs of nature".
Jason: "Yeah"
The Hermit turning to Scouters Kent and Jason he says, "It’s easy. I look down in the valley and from here, I can see two guys cutting and piling firewood like crazy!"
This skit was performed at S-F Scout Ranch at the Famous Eagle Camp during the summer of 1994.
1st boy walks in and draws an imaginary circle on the ground and start to jump up and down on the circle yelling "49...49...49...49"
2nd boy walks in looking puzzled. He comes up to the 1st boy and says "What are you doing??"
1st boy avoids talking to the 2nd boy a couple of times then he stops and tells the other boy he is jumping up and down and yelling 49...49...
2nd boy asks if he can do it.
1st boy say "Sure."
2nd Boy jumps up and down a couple of times while yelling "49...49..." until the 1st boy pulls the imaginary circle out from underneath the 2nd boy. He then places the imaginary circle to the side a bit and starts jumping up and down yelling "50...50...50..."
Cub 1: Ask me if I'm a rabbit.
Cub 2: Okay Are you a rabbit?
Cub 1: Yes. Now ask me if I'm a beaver.
Cub 2: Are you a beaver?
Cub 1: No, stupid. I already told you I was a rabbit!
Teacher: What has five fingers and can be made of leather? Johnny : Eh... I don't know.
Teacher: One glove! Now, what has 10 fingers and can he made of leather?
Johnny : Eh.... I don't know.
Teacher: Two gloves! Now, who is the Governor General of Canada? Johnny : Eh.... Three gloves?
A scout gets up and says, "Tonight, Den ___ is going to present to you a rare public showing of The World's Ugliest Man.
"This man is so ugly, that no one can bear to look upon his face without shrieking and fainting dead away. So, in the interests of safety, we've covered him up with a sheet so all of you in the audience won't need to go to the emergency room."
At this point, the rest of the den brings out Ugly (another one of the cubs), draped in a sheet like a ghost.
Ugly stands in front of the pack with his back to it. The MC says, "To demonstrate how ugly this man is, is there a volunteer who dares to try to look upon his face?"
The den members all raise their hands and ask to do it. The MC picks one, who walks in front of Ugly. Another cub raises the sheet--and of course, the victim screams and faints. The louder the scream and the quicker the collapse, the better.
"Is there another volunteer?" the MC asks. And so on, until all the boys in the den have taken their turn screaming and fainting. By this time, there should be a pile of cubs laying on the floor in front of Ugly.
The MC says, "Well, I see that no cub can take it. Is there an adult who would like to volunteer? How about our Cubmaster? Mr. Farnham, are you brave enough?"
Me (or any other adult leader): "No, I don't dare. I've seen what's happened to you all."
After much cajoling, the adult agrees to come up and try. He walks up in front of the world's ugliest man, the sheet is raised, and--
The world's ugliest man screams and faints!
This is a great skit, guaranteed to get a huge laugh. The boys have a blast doing it, and the parents like it too.
-- Thanks to Pete Farnham, Cub Roundtable Staff, GW District, NCAC, Alexandria, VA
Cub 1: I can lift an elephant with one hand.
Cub 2: I don't believe you.
Cub 1: Give me an elephant with one hand and I'll show you.
Cub 3: I can bend bars with my bare hands.
Cub 4: Iron bars?
Cub 3: No, chocolate bars.
Cub 5: Why are you jumping up and down?
Cub 6: I took some medicine and forgot to shake well before using.
While Cub Master is doing the pack meeting Two adults enter. They are wearing coveralls and motorcycle helmets. They carry their jet (made from an eight foot piece of Styrofoam and set it by the derby track They pay no attention to what Dan is saying..
Cub Master: " Excuse me, gentlemen, EXCUSE ME GENTLEMEN!!!"
This gets First adult's attention and he taps Second adult on the shoulder. They both turn and face Cub Master like men from Devo.
Cub Master: "What are you two trying to do?"
Both Second adult and First adult make flying motions with their arms.
Cub Master: "Oh you two think you are going flying do ya?"
Both Second adult and First adult nod their bodies yes from the waist up. They butt heads??
Cub Master: "Which one of you is the pilot?"
First adult raises his hand.
Cub Master: "What does the other guy do?"
Second adult make the sign of the cross and put his hands together to pray.
Cub Master: "Oh you pray huh? Do either of you two have any flying experience?"
First adult and Second adult pull out paper airplanes from their coveralls and fly them.
Cub Master: "Is that the only experience you have.
Both Second adult and First adult nod their bodies yes from the waist up. They butt heads??
Cub Master: "I'm afraid I am going to have to see your flying permits before I let you take off on our course."
First adult and Second adult look at each other, dig through their pockets, then look at Cubmaster and shrug.
Cub Master: "Well if you don't have any permits you know what that means don't you?"
First adult and Second adult wave good bye and pick up their airplane and leave.
Cub Master: "Yes it means good-bye and don't forget to file your flight permit before you come back.
"I am King, squire, and I need you to bring me my special papers."
Bringing in some diplomatic looking things "Here are your papers, sire."
"Fool! These are not my special papers. Off with his head! Squire two, bring me my special papers! Do not fail!"
Bringing in a Wall Street Journal "Here are your special papers, sire"
"Fool! These are not my special papers. To the dungeons with him! Squire three, bring me my special papers!"
Bringing him a roll of toilet paper "Here are the special papers, sire"
"And just in time!" The king grabs the toilet paper and runs offstage.
-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins
A scout walks to the center of the campfire looking up at the sky, keeping his head and neck very still. Soon he is joined by another scout and then another and so on. Each scout looks around and then begins to look toward the sky. The last scout enters and asked the scout next to him, "what are we looking at. He answers "I don't know." and then that scout asked the next until the question and get to the original scout. The original scout replies: "I don't know. I've got a stiff neck!"
Another 2-person skit you can use on the spur of the moment, if you just so happen to have the props, the main ones being the raincoat and drawings.
Cast: Story teller, Victim, appropriate sound effects & Helpers, raincoat, cup of water
Storyteller: I need a volunteer to take submarine training. (Put victim under the coat and hold up an arm of the coat to use as a periscope.) Now to be a good submarine captain, you must be able to use the periscope. So let's practice a bit. Can you see the fire? How about those tents? The table? The moon? The stars? (Continue until (s)he becomes proficient.) Let's start our mission. You are the captain of this fine submarine, the S.S. Kaput. You are to bring it about on maneuvers and sink enemy ships. So here we go, in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Oh! Here comes an enemy ship to the right! Can you see him? (Show a drawing of a ship.) Blow him up! (When he fires, sink the ship.) Good going! Now turn the submarine to port, and then to starboard (Left & right.) Oh, Oh -- there's a storm brewing. (Shake him a bit.) Do you see that Island? Try to go there to seek cover. Can you see the waves? My, aren't they big? And they're crashing against the rocks! What a big storm! Can you see it? Can you see the waves? No? (Pour the water down the arm.)
A Scout is sitting in his tent which is a mess, everything scattered around. Several other scouts come over and ask what he is doing. The Scout replies he is thinking. The other Scouts continue asking questions and are finally told, "I am thinking about my invention." The other scouts want to help (begging and hamming it up). Finally the Scout says, "OK, but do you rally want to help?" The other scouts plead and beg. The Scout begins to instruct each Scout to pick up items and place them in the tent somewhere, (continue until everything is picked up, thereby cleaning up the tent.) When the tent is completely picked up, the Scout says: "Well that takes care of it". The other scouts, inquire, "takes care of what?". The Scout replies: "My invention, I just invented a way to get my tent cleaned."
Fans are standing in line waiting to buy tickets for the big game, movie, or concert. Four fans are standing in line, saying how much they want to attend the event and wondering when the ticket window is going to open to sell tickets. A person walks up to the front of the line. The fans get upset telling him to not butt in line and to go to the end of the line and began to shove him back. This person tries once more to reach the front of the line and then gives up and says something to the effect; "I'm giving up, they can get someone else to open this ticket window.
[in the USA this could be J.C. Penny or Montgomery Ward]
Number of participants: 4 or more
Props: Articles of clothing
# 2 enters and passes # 1, wearing a hat.
# 1: "Where did you get the hat ?"
# 2: "Timothy Eaton."
# 3: enters and passes # 1 carrying a pair of pants.
# 1: "Where did you get the new pants ?"
# 3: "Timothy Eaton."
Others enter carrying new articles of clothing and offer similar explanations. Finally # 4 enters wearing just underwear.
# 1: "Who do you think you are dressed like that ?"
# 4: "I'm Timothy Eaton !"
"This is Eddy, the amazing trained caterpillar." (Three or four guys with a sheet over them, sort of like a Chinese New Year Dragon.) "Eddy, left!" (Everyone shambles left) "Eddy, right!" (Everyone shambles right.) "Eddy, sit!" (The caterpillar sits.) "Eddy, fetch!" (Throw something that can be picked up with the feet, the first guy gets it with his foot and the others stabilize him, return it.)
"OK, now for Eddy's best trick. We've been practicing this all week. We need a volunteer from the audience. Lie down, and Eddy will walk over you without harming you!" (Eddy does it, but the last guy dumps a glass of water on the volunteer.) "Oh! Sorry! Eddy's not potty-trained yet."
Important Guy: "OK, Aug, I want you to sell these pencils."
Aug: "Pen-solls"
Important Guy: "That's right, Aug. Now, when you see someone coming down the street, I want
you to tell them what you're selling."
Aug: "Pen-solls"
Important Guy: "Yes, Aug. Be more enthusiastic about it!"
Aug, waving his hands in the air: "Pen-Solls!!!"
Important Guy: "Very good, Aug. Now, people will want to buy your pencils, and they'll ask how much they are. They come in $2, $5, and $10 packs. Got that?"
Aug: "Pen-solls?"
Important Guy: "No: Two, Five, Ten."
Aug: "Two .. Five ... Ten!!!"
Important Guy: "I think you've got that. Now Aug, one more thing. Someone might ask why they should buy your pencils. If they ask that, Aug, I want you to tell them this. 'If you don't, somebody else will'".
Aug: "If you don't ... somebody else will!"
Important Guy: "Very good. Now, get out there and sell pencils!"
The important guy wanders offstage, and Aug wanders to the other side of the stage. A man on the street approaches Aug. Aug runs to him waving his hands.
Aug, in his face: "Pen-Solls!!!"
Man on street: "Hey, you're a real jerk! How many people have you done this to?"
Aug: "Two, Five, Ten!"
Man on steed: "You're really asking for a punch in the mouth, buddy."
Aug: "If you don't .. somebody else will!"
Man on street punches Aug, who falls flat, that's the end of the skit.
Two scouts lay down on sleeping bags on the stage. Two other scouts, pretending to be bikers "ride" over to one of the scouts who is on top of the bag and proceed to beat him up. They do anything they want to make it look like they have hurt him. They see him moving and "ride" off.
The scout who just got beat up turns to his buddy and says, "Two bikers just came through the woods and beat me up." His buddy turns to him and says, "It was just a dream, go back to sleep."
This happens two more times, with the bikers beating up the guy, but on the third time, something different happens. The guy who gets beat up turns to his buddy and tells him what happened again. This time his friend says, "Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll switch places with you."
Now the bikers come back and go up to the same sleeping bag again, and one turns to the other and says, "This guy's had enough, let's get the other guy."
-- Thanks to Kevin Garibaldi
Cast: 2 Scouts
There are two scouts, they each say, "I'm the better thief."
"No I'm the better thief."
Then one says, "Wait, lets have a contest, we will walk past each other three times and who ever steals the best thing wins."
The scouts then walk past each other twice pulling out objects such as knife, watch, glasses, etc.
Finally on the third pass, the first scout says, "I've got your wallet, ha, beat that!"
The second Scout looks around nervously then says, "You've got my wallet, well in that case you would win, but ... I've got you're underwear!" And waves a pair of shorts in the air.
This takes about six guys, who form a circle around an invisible blanket, with a small invisible guy (Bruce) who sits in the middle of the invisible blanket and gets tossed.
"We're an Olympic blanket tossing team, and Bruce in the middle here is our star blanket bouncer. We'll toss Bruce a bit just to warm up. One, two, three! One, two, three! One, two, three!"
On three each time, the team lets the pretend blanket go slack, then pull it taught. They watch the invisible Bruce go up in the air, then come down, and the gently catch him again in the blanket. Each time they toss him higher. The team has to be in sync, and they have to watch about the same spot -- the easiest way to do this is to have everyone just imitate the leader, who is the speaker.
"OK, we're all limbered up now?" The team murmurs in agreement. "Then let's toss Bruce a bit higher. One, two, three!"
Bruce comes up, and the team adjusts their position a bit to catch him as he comes down.
"One, two, three!" This wait about ten seconds, and move quite a bit to get under him. Move this way and that before finally catching him.
"One, two, three!" twenty seconds this time, almost lose track of him, adjust the position here, there, and here again.
"What? What's that you say, Bruce?" pause "Audience, you are in luck! Bruce wants to go for the world record blanket toss! Ready team? One! Two! Thu-reee!!!" A mighty toss! The team shifts positions, like trying to catch a high fly ball. "There he goes! He's past the trees! He's really up there!" pause, looking hard into the sky "Do you see him? I've lost him. Where'd he go?" another pause "Oh well." The team leaves the stage, and the program continues.
After another skit and song, and preferably in the middle of awards or announcements of some sort, "Bruce! Quick team!" The blanket tossing team runs back on stage, positions themselves this way and that, and catches Bruce. "Let's have a big hand for Bruce! Yay!!!"
Cast: Customer, Shopkeeper
Setting: Brain Shop
Customer: Hi! I'm bored with myself. I'd like to buy a new brain and have an all new personality.
Shopkeeper: (In one of those evil, horror movie voices) Ahh, yes. Well, I can sell you this brain from Billy Crystal for $5000. Here. Try it. ("Unscrews" head and plops in pretend brain.) How do you feel?
Customer: (In Billy Crystal style voice) Marvelous. I ... feel ... marrrvelous. But I don't think it's me. Can I try another?
Shopkeeper: Okay. Let me see. (Rummages around.) Let's try this one. It's the brain from Captain Kirk. Only $5000.
Customer: (In Kirk voice) Scotty ... Can you fix those transporters? No, a bit too famous for me.
Shopkeeper: Sure. I'll go out back. (Rummages around in back of store.) Here's one from Ronald Reagan. It only costs $5000. How do you feel?
Customer: (In Ronald Reagan style voice) Wellll ... Bonzo, stop that ... I think that this one's still a bit too famous for me.
Shopkeeper: Hmmmm. A tough customer. I'll have to go down to the basement. I'll be back. (Customer comments on the kind of brains he has gotten and what kind he'll get next.) Ahhh, here we are. The best in the house, not famous at all. I guarantee you'll love it. Only $15000. (Yes ... $15000.)
Customer: (Imitates a leader in the crowd for some notorious act, such as putting up the sign and calling out "PACK!" or admonishing the kids or doing a famous routine or the like.) Hmmm ... this is good. But I recognize it. No, wait ... it's (Insert name of person.) I love it! But tell me ... the brains of those three famous people only cost $5000 apiece. This one, however, comes from a virtually unknown, unimportant person. Why does it cost $15000?
Shopkeeper: Well, it's never been used!
This skit has a Brotherhood theme, and is well-suited to the older sections (Scouts and higher) and leaders, particularly in an all-sections campfire. It is best presented near the end of the campfire, when things are winding down (and the children have settled down).
People required for the Skit: 6
Cast:
Old Man with a Staff
Spirit of the Beaver
Spirit of the Wolf Cub
Spirit of the Scout
Spirit of adventure
Spirit of the Rover
(fewer people may be used by doubling up on roles)
Skit Setup: Index cards can be used by the Spirits if there isn't time to memorize each role. (Small Flashlight recommended!)
The Old Man is inside the campfire circle, walking slowly with his staff. He is slightly hunched over with age and leans on the staff heavily.
The Scouting Spirits are evenly spaced outside the campfire circle, just far enough back not to be seen. (They should speak loud and clearly).
NOTE: When the Old Man stops each time and looks into the fire, there should be 2-3 seconds of silence before the Spirits speak.
(The memories that the Old Man says aloud should be specific to the group, so they have relevance to the audience and can feel the full impact of the skit. Consult with other leaders/ youth for ideas.)
The Skit:
OLD MAN (Shuffling slowly around the campfire). "My life has been long, too long, and my Scouting years are behind me. My friends are all gone and I am going to die alone. Old and Alone." (Stops and stares into the fire)
ALL SPIRITS: "SHARING"
SPIRIT OF THE BEAVER: "I am the Spirit of the Beaver. When you were young, I taught you Sharing and Caring for the World."
OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling slowly around the campfire). <Beaver Memory> e.g. "Beavers. I remember Beavers. Riverbanks and the Beaver Pond, making crafts to take home to Mom..." <etc.> (The Old Man stops again and stares into the fire.)
ALL SPIRITS: "A-Ke-Lah"
SPIRIT OF THE WOLF CUB: "I am the Spirit of the Wolf Cub. I taught you to do your best, I led your Pack through the forest and you lived by My Law."
OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the campfire). <Cub Memory> e.g. "Cubs. I remember Cubs. Hot Dog roasts in the bush, my first real camp-out, and of course the Kub Kar races..." <etc>. (The Old Man stops again and stares into the fire.)
ALL SPIRITS: "On My Honor"
SPIRIT OF THE SCOUT: "I am the Spirit of the Scout. I taught you knots and how to camp without a trace, and together we explored the land."
OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the circle). <Scout Memory> e.g. "Scouts. I remember Scouts. Long hikes and long camps, breaking lake ice for water in the winter. And then there was Jamboree..." <etc.> (Stops and stares into the fire.)
ALL SPIRITS: "Challenge"
SPIRIT OF ADVENTURE: "I am the Spirit of adVenture. I taught you leadership and set you free, to test your limits to the skies."
OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the fire). <Venturer Memory> e.g. "Oh, yes, Venturers. Attending Jamboree as a Hikemaster, leading people from around the world into the Rockies. Getting my drivers license and trying to date Rangers..." <etc.> (Stops and stares into the fire)
ALL SPIRITS: "Service"
SPIRIT OF THE ROVER: "I am the Spirit of the Rover. I led you to adulthood and self-destiny. We chose to give back the love we were given through Service."
OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling). <Rover Memory> e.g. "Rovers. I could never forget Rovers. Helping out at Dream-On, putting on District campfires. And then there were the Moots and Road trips. And camps, camps, camps." (Slows down and begins to sink to the ground. He is dying.)
ALL SPIRITS (Walk straight into the campfire circle from where they stand, if possible. They should all arrive at the Old Man's body at the same time. Wait a moment or two.)
"We are the brotherhood of Scouting". <Each section says its name in order - BEAVERS, CUBS, SCOUTS, VENTURERS, ROVERS.> "If you grow up with Scouting you are NEVER alone."
-- Thanks to Gary Nelson
One of those skits Cubs just love and laugh at.
Cast: Kid, Dog, Basketball Player, Car, Jogger and Old Man
Setting: City Street
Kid: Blowing bubbles is just great. Watch. (Blows imaginary bubble; it pops and lands somewhere on the ground.) Hmm. Where did it go? I should look for it. (Goes around and exits, still looking for it.)
Enter dog, who stops, sniffs at gum, pees on it, and exits. Basketball player is dribbling ball when it gets stuck on the gum -- he tries to loosen it and finally does. Car drives right over it. Jogger goes by, his foot gets stuck on it; old man comes by and his cane gets stuck on it. Finally, Kid comes back.
Kid: Ahh! There's my piece of gum! (Picks it up, pops it in his mouth and continues chewing.)
Cast: Several Passengers, Bus Driver, "Stinky"
Setting: Bus
Bus driver drives the bus along the route, and at each stop, more and more people get off the bus, holding their noses, telling the driver to hurry up, pushing against each other, running off the bus, until finally only Stinky and the Driver are left on the bus.
Driver: (Talking to Stinky) Hey! All my passengers left. You know anything about it? (Smells something awful.) Hmm. Something smells -- it must be you.
Did you wash this morning?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Hmm. Deodorant?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Hmm. Clean shirt?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Clean underwear?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Change your socks?
Stinky: Sure! Here are the old ones!
Props: A large cooking pot and mugs for actors
1st Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp coffee is getting worse".
2nd Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp tea is getting worse".
3rd Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp hot chocolate is getting worse".
4th Scout- (Walks up to pot, dips his hands in and takes out a pair of wet socks. As he wrings them out he says) "I thought that would get them clean!"
Cast: 2 People, campfire blanket
Have one person lie down on his back and the other kneel directly over him. The top person wears the campfire blanket so as to hide his legs and expose the legs of the person lying down, to create the effect of it being one person sitting down.
Person: Hi there! Welcome to Don's House of Fine Exercises and Sports Medicine. Today I'm going to ask you about your regular stretching routine. Can you do this? (Lifts up a leg so that it's parallel with the chest.) Or this? (Lifts other leg.) And how about this? (Crosses the legs.) This is an unusual one. Can you do it? (Brings feet around the neck.) And let's not forget this one. Can you do it? (Stretches out the legs in spread eagle fashion in the air.) (Elicit a no answer from a volunteer.) Well, neither can I! (Stands up.)
This one can be really hammed up and included the kid walking up in a dance kind of way and the old storekeeper, being old, very laboriously climbing up a ladder, getting the candy jar, coming down, counting out the candies, and so on.
Cast: Old storekeeper, very young kid (4 years old)
Setting: A Candy Store
Kid: (Kid walks up to storekeeper and asks) I want five of those penny candies way up at the top.
Storekeeper: You mean those penny candies, way, way, waaaaaayy up top?
Kid: Yes, please.
Storekeeper: Sigh! (Kid takes innocent pleasure in watching the storekeeper go up.)
Storekeeper climbs up and get him five candies, and receives the five cents.
This scene repeats itself several times over 3 more days, with the storekeeper being more and more tired each time and becoming equally more frustrated until,
Storekeeper: Oh! I see that kid coming. I know what he's coming to get, so I'll climb up now to get the candies before he comes in and have it ready for him. (Kid walks in.) I bet I know what you want. I bet you want five of the penny candies from way up top, right?
Kid: Nope! Not today!
Storekeeper: Sigh! Now I have to climb back up to put them away. (He climbs up, puts them away, then comes down.) Now, sonny, what would you like today?
Kid: I would like three of those penny candies way up at the top!
"I got this one off of my Part II Scouts. The Trainers did a wonderful job of it and at the blessing just before the monk says his two words, the Abbot would say, in the typical chant tune, "My father plays Dominoes better than your father does..." which was of course hilarious. Having, by pure coincidence, a monk suit with me at the time, my patrol did a skit the following night ("What the heck was that!") that incorporated a monk that chanted, "My father plays Dominoes better than those two guys from last night..." It of course brought the house down. Too bad our punch line not only was nowhere near good enough a line to follow up but was also screwed up." Author
Cast: Monk, Abbot, narrator
Scene: Abbot's office
Narrator: This skit is about the monks in a monastery who are only allowed to speak two words every ten years. Our friendly monk is about to come in and say his two words, after ten long years of silence.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: Bad food!
Narrator: Well, ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come again to say his two words. He of course is not quite as young as he used to be, and walks a touch more slowly.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: Uncomfortable bed!
Narrator: Well, yet another ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come again to say his two words. He is really old at this point, having been at the monastery for thirty, long, devoted years.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: I quit!
Abbot: I'm not surprised! You've been here for thirty years and all you've done is complain!
Cast: 4 Shoppers, Storekeeper, Kid (in underwear, or nightgown), full uniform
Setting: Store
#1: I'd like to buy the Cub Shirt.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have it!") (Comes back with a shirt.)
#2: I'd like to buy the accessories to the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with accessories.)
#3: I'd like to buy the pants to go with the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with pants.)
#4: I'd like to buy the right kind of shoes for the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with shoes.)
Kid: (Comes running out in underwear/swim suit) How am I supposed to go to Cubs without my uniform?
Cast: 2 guys, 2 bikers
Setting: Campground
#1: Well, time to go to bed. AND I GET THE TENT! (Beats up little guy.)
#2: But... Oh well, it's no use. (He sets up his sleeping bag under the stars.)
Bikers: (Make motorcycle noises & come in.) Ha! Ha! Let's beat up this guy! (They beat up little guy.)
Next morning,
#2: Hey! Last night some bikers came here and beat me up!
#1: You're just jealous that I took the tent. Be a man.
The next night and morning, the same routine occurs, with the little guy complaining even more. Finally, the big guy lets the little guy have the tent, with much ado about him being a wimp. That night,
Bikers: (Make motorcycle noises & come in.) You know, I think we've beat up on the guy outside enough the past two nights. Let's beat up the guy inside the tent tonight!
"I'm a reporter. I have been for 12 years. And in all that time, I've never had a real scoop. Never. I'm a failure. I've done this long enough, so now I'm going to jump off this bridge and kill myself. One, two, ..."
"Wait! Wait! Why are you jumping?"
"I'm a failed reporter. I've never had a real scoop."
"Oh. You think you have it bad, I'm a truck driver, and I've got hemorrhoids. I think I'll join you."
"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you all doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Oh, I'm a grade school teacher. I just realized that I can't stand whiney little kids. I think I'll join you."
"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Well I'm a florist, and I've got hay fever." sneeze! "I think I'll join you."
"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "I'm a dentist, hic and I've had the hiccups for the last hic five years. Would you like a tooth removed hic?" He holds one of those pointy dentist things, and each time he hics his hands jerk around "No!" "Then I think I'll hic join you."
"One! Two! Three!!!" They all jump, except for the reporter.
"Four people jump to their grisly deaths! What a scoop!" He runs offstage, scribbling furiously on his notepad.
Three guys are sitting on a park bench. Goober is quietly reading, Gomer is pretending to swim in a lake (jumps off bench and swims around). Gopher is pretending to be fishing, reeling fish after fish. Policeman comes in and watches them. Policeman asks Goober if he knows the other two men. Goober says they are his friends. The policeman thinks Goober ought to take care of his friends. Goober says okay and asks the others to climb into his boat. The policeman ask Goober what he is doing: Goober says: "Somebody has to row the boat" pretends to row off stage (the policeman staring after them, shaking his head in disbelief).
Boys on a flight to Germany or other destination. They act up and really give the stewardess or steward (den leader, 11 year old patrol leader etc.) a hard time. Finally, one of them bumps into her/him and knocks a tray on him/her. The steward/stewardess smiles and says, "Why don't you boys just run outside and play."
An easy 2-person skit if you have only one person who's thirsty.
Cast: 2 or 3 People, cup of water, combs, Narrator
Setting: Sahara Desert
Narrator: Here are some poor, thirsty men on the desert who've been stranded on the desert for days. Let's watch.
Two or three people are crawling, calling out for water. Time to really ham it up. Finally, they see the cup of water and stagger for it, reaching out. Finally, they get to the water and,
People: Ahhhh! (Relieved -- they take out combs, dip them in water and begin to comb hair.)
On stage you have a boy concealed in a sleeping bag that is open on both ends, he is the Giant worm. Several "hikers" happen upon the worm. The hikers are eating and carrying with them a supply of candy bars. They look at each other in amazement ask each other "I wonder what he eats" The hikers hold some candy bars near the mouth of the worm. The worm gobbles up the candy bars wrappers and all. Then the worm quickly discards empty wrappers form the other end.(stuff happens). The hikers run away. Another group of hikers comes along drinking soft drinks and repeats the routine. The third group comes along with nothing to eat or drink. this group should have your smallest scout. this group also ponders what this giant worm would et. At that moment the worm gobbles the smallest scout. Then discards a pair of pants and shirt out the other end. The worm walks off with the eaten scout under the sleeping bag. The hikers run away.
Props: a large pot, several spoons, and a floor mop. A chef's hat would also be useful.
Announcer: This scene takes place in the camp Dining Hall.
(Several boys are seated around a large pot, sampling the imaginary contents with the spoons.)
Scott : Boy, this is sure good soup.
Brad : Yep, it's got REAL flavor.
David : Sure is, why it's even better than my Mom makes.
Matthew: Oh yeah. It's the best food I've eaten at camp all week.
Cook : (Enters waving floor mop and shouting) Hey you guys ! Get out of my mop water !!!
The setting can be either a king or a boss in his office who beckons to a courtier or assistant that he wants his royal or important papers. The person runs in with a sheath of papers, the king or boss quite agitated tosses them aside and demands that they bring him his important papers. Other people bring in other things one at a time such as a Boy Scout Handbook etc. the king throws them aside and gets more and more upset demanding that he have his important papers. At last the some one comes in with a roll of toilet paper (court jester, office boy etc.). The king knights him or the boss promotes him thanking him profusely and runs off the stage in visible relief.
Need: 4 (or more) scouts .
First boy is squatting as though sitting on an invisible bench. The second boy comes in and asks what the first is doing.
"I'm sitting on the invisible bench."
"Can I join you?"
"Sure, there's plenty of room."
Second boy pretends to sit.
A third boy comes along, and the scene repeats.
Go on for as many boys as you want.
When the last boy comes along, asks and is answered, he says "But I moved it over there this morning!"
AAAAHHHHHH!!!! All seated boys fall down.
Cast: Captain Kidd, Other people walking by, Mirror
Setting: Street
C.K.: I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, ugliest pirate to roam the seas. Watch this. (Tries to scare first man walking by.)
Man: I'm not scared of you!
C.K. keeps on trying to scare people going to work ("Late for work!") walking the dog (Dog runs up and starts to play with C.K.) kids (they laugh, "Hey! Halloween isn't till next month!") and so on. Finally, he's quite dismayed.
C.K.: Hmm. Maybe I'm not so scary after all. Maybe I should go into movies. (Looks at himself in the mirror.) Ahhh! (Runs away scared.)
Version 1:
Have several boys standing in a line (facing the audience) with one arm on the next boys shoulder. The first boy in line looks at the second and asks the second boy, "IS it time yet?" The second boy asks the third boy the same question and so on down the line. The boy at the end of the line looks at his watch and says to the boy next to him, "No, its not time yet," and this continues on up the line to the first boy in the line again with each boy saying it in turn. This can continue a couple times; then when it gets to the last boy, he says, "It's time!" and when the message gets back to the first boy each boy moves his arm from the other's shoulder and puts his other arm on the boy next to him.
Version 1:
One Scout is standing on stage. A Second Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "Those are nice shoes. Where did you get them?" The Second Scout says, "J. C. Penny [J.C. Penny is a department store in the USA.] " and walks off.
A Third Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice shirt. Where did you get it?" The Third Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.
A Fourth Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice pair of pants. Where did you get them?" The Fourth Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.
A Sixth Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice hat. Where did you get it?" The Sixth Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.
A Seventh Scout walks up wearing only a towel. The First Scout says, "Who are you?" The Seventh Scout says, "I'm J. C. Penny."
Norbert is an unusual young Scout who is very proud of being self-sufficient, and likes to tell us about his ability. He is a little uncoordinated, much to the delight of the audience.
This skit is best presented indoors with a relatively small audience, so Norbert's demonstration is appreciated up close. The skit is best if not rehearsed.
Preparation
Norbert is two people. One is seen by the audience from the waist up. His hands are inserted into a large pair of boots that are propped up on the table. He has a blanket-covered hunch back, which conceals the second Scout. The second Scout reaches his hands under the arms of the first; these are Norbert's hands. The visible Norbert should be a Scout who likes to talk and can keep a happy outlook in the face of some physical discomfort.
Collect all materials in advance, and plan the order in which they will be used. Encourage the Scouts to suggest ideas, but do not plan too many activities. The skit should not run more than 10 minutes at the most. A plastic sheet on the floor will help with the cleanup.
The Skit
The curtain opens, and Norbert is seated behind a table. The table is draped with a blanket or sheet so that the audience cannot see behind it.
Norbert introduces himself, gesturing with his hands. He knows that he looks a little strange, but he is a very capable and independent Boy Scout. He is very proud that he knows how to take care of himself. Norbert would like to show us how he gets up in the morning. As he demonstrates, he talks about what he is doing.
"First, I wash my face." A Scout brings a basin of water and a washcloth. He washes, getting water over a wide area.
"Then, I shave." Applies shaving cream and shaves. (Use a safety razor without a blade!)
Because the person operating his hands cannot see, the results are, well, interesting. He washes off the soap and dries his face on a towel.
Norbert then puts toothpaste on his toothbrush and brushes his teeth. He brushes his hair.
Once he has cleaned up and the washing materials have been removed, it is time for breakfast -- a good big bowl of oatmeal, which he eats with a large spoon. He uses a big napkin to wipe his face. "Umm, that was good!"
Now he is ready to face the day. All he needs is his hat, a knitted cap.
Norbert thanks all the nice people for coming to see him. He hopes they have enjoyed their visit!
Cast: Leader, 3 or 4 Kids
Setting: Meeting Hall
Leader: Boys, they're having a contest to redesign the World Conservation
Badge. So you guys should try to come up with some ideas.
Kids: Sure thing, Akela.
After a pause, #1 comes in.
#1: Here's an idea, Akela.
Leader: Hmm... not bad. But isn't that too dull?
#2: Akela! Look at this!
Leader: Really nice, but the design is too complicated for the badgemakers to put on a badge.
#3: I have a really good one, Akela!
Leader: Very good. But I think it's too big.
#4: This is it Akela! It's sure to be a winner!
Leader: This is perfect! It's bright enough, simple to make, and the right size. Where did you come up with this idea?
#4: It's a copy of the old badge!
Run through a short movie scene. Use jerky motions, flashlight flicker, etc. Just as the scene is about to end, the narrator says, "Oh no! Something's wrong; it's going backwards!" Then run through the whole scene backwards. Keep the scene short to only a minute or two.
Back in the “Old West” a father lines up his three sons. "One of you pushed our outhouse over the cliff two nights ago. Which one of you did it?" "Not me" "Not me!" "Not me!!!"
"Come on, I promise not to punish you. Who did it?"
"Not me!" "Not me!" "Not me!"
"Let me tell you a story of our great American hero, George Washington. When he was a boy, he chopped down a cherry tree. His father came to him and asked, 'George, did you chop down that cherry tree?' 'I cannot tell a lie, father, I chopped down the cherry tree,' said little George. 'You should not have done that, but since you told the truth, I will not punish you.' And George Washington grew up to be President of the United States!"
"Now I ask you. Who pushed our outhouse over the cliff?"
"Not me!" "Not me!" "I cannot tell a lie, father, I pushed the outhouse over the cliff."
"!@#$%!!!" (The father whips the son who pushed the outhouse over the cliff.)
"Why did you whip me, Father? When George Washington told the truth, his father did not punish him!"
"George Washington's father wasn't IN the tree when George Washington chopped it down!"
Cast: policeman; three boys; police chief. (Policeman hustles scuffed looking boy up to boy sitting at the table marked CHIEF.)
Policeman: Here's a bunch of trouble- makers for you, sir.
Chief: O.K. constable. I'll deal with this. (dismisses officer, turns sternly to Boy 1.) Well, now. Why are you here?
Boy 1: (embarrassed) I threw peanuts into the lake. (Chief looks puzzled)
Chief:(sternly to Boy 2 ) Any why, then, were you brought in??
Boy 2: (defensively) I threw peanuts into the lake.(Chief scowls angrily)
Chief: (Bellows at Boy 3) And you! What have you got to say for yourself?
Boy 3: I'm Peanuts, Sir! (All exit)
Version 2:
Cast: Judge, Bailiff, 3 (or more) Scruffy Guys, Peanuts (person)
Setting: Courthouse
Judge: Order in the court! Order in the court! Bring in the first case!
Bailiff brings in a scruffy guy.
Judge: What's your problem?
#1: Duh, I like to throw Peanuts against walls! Hic!
Judge: 30 days psychiatric treatment! Next!
Bailiff brings in two more such characters, one likes to throw Peanuts out the window, into a lake, likes to hit Peanuts with a hammer and so on. Judge responds the same way and becomes increasingly bored, saying "Oh, not another," "Why do they send me all the loonies," and so on. Finally the bailiff brings in the last, really scruffy, bloodied, shirt torn, no shoes, so on.
Judge: What's your problem? (Sigh....)
Peanuts: I'm Peanuts! (Passes out.)
Version 3:
Cast: Narrator, 3 Scruffy guys, Curious Person, Peanuts
Setting: Building Roof
Narrator explains that these four guys are on the top of a building and looking over the edge.
Curious person: What are you guys looking at?
#1: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
#2: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
#3: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
"Peanuts" comes crawling up to the top of the building.
Curious person: Who are you?
Peanuts: I'm Peanuts! (Passes out.)
! (Throw peanuts into crowd.)
Cast: Customer, Shopkeeper
Setting: Pet Shop
Customer: I'd like to buy a turtle.
Shopkeeper: Well, here's one of the only three turtles I have left -- they sell real well out here but turtle shipments are few and far between.
Customer: Gee, thanks! Just the kind I was looking for, too!
Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is a little distraught.
Customer: Look! He's dead already! How old was he?
Shopkeeper: Here, here. Let me see. Hmm. Look, having pets die on customers on the first day they buy them is bad for business, so here's a new one. No charge.
Customer: Thank you! That's so gracious of you.
Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is more distraught.
Customer: Are you sure these turtles are okay? This one died on me too!
Shopkeeper: Let me see. Hmm. Well, here's the last of my three turtles, and though I won't get another shipment for a while, you can have it for free.
Customer: You are the nicest man I know. Thank you so much!
Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is hysterical and crying.
Customer: What are you trying to do to me? This one died too!
Shopkeeper: Let me see this. This is bugging me too. Say. They all have scratches on the shells. Why? What were you doing with them?
Customer: (Sniffing) Well, I was only trying to give my car a turtle wax!
Otherwise known as "The Empty Boxes" in the Leader Magazine. Text from The Best of the Leader Cut Out Pages.
Cast: Manager, Guard, 3 Workmen, large cardboard boxes.
Setting: Factory Gate.
Manager: (To new guard) I'm giving you the very responsible position of gate guard at this factory. Because of the lack of vigilance by your predecessors, the workers have stolen so many finished articles that the firm is heading for bankruptcy. Your duty is to ensure this is brought to an end. Do you understand?
Guard: Yes Sir. I am to stop stealing.
Manager: That's right. You can search people if necessary. Now it's up to you, and let's see some results.
Guard: Very good, Sir. (Manager leaves; guard takes post; first workman enters carrying a cloth draped box.) Just a moment. What have you got in that box?
#1: What do you mean?
Cast: Person, 3 Tie Salesmen, Maitre d'
Setting: Desert
Person: (Gasping) Water! I need water!
#1: Sir! Would you like to buy a tie? This one would look so good on you!
Person: I want water, not a tie!
#2: (After a pause) Sir! We're having a tie sale. Would you like to buy a nice tie for a great price?
Person: I'm dying of thirst, and you want to sell me a tie?
#3: (After a pause) Sir! I have these fine silk ties at reasonable prices. Would you care to look at my stock?
Person: Sheesh! What kind of people sell ties in the middle of the desert to thirsty people? (After a pause; looks to the distance) An oasis! I'm saved! (Scrambles over.) Sir! Please! I would like to buy a glass of water!
Maitre d': I'm sorry Sir, but you can't enter this restaurant without a tie.
One day Scouter Kent ( camp chief ) and Scouter Jason ( assistant camp director ) decide to get away from it all and move to the Yukon. The story goes , they sell everything and pack up for a long trip to the Yukon by canoe (get in and row) finally arriving in a sheltered valley they decide that this is the place for them.
Kent: "Nice place , lets build a log cabin"
Jason: Yeah.
So they build a cabin after all that work, they have a nice log cabin to survive the harsh weather of the north. Now fall is at the door.
Kent: "Winter is coming and we need to cut firewood"
Jason: "Yeah".
So they start cutting wood with ax and saw -- cut and saw and saw and cut 5 cords, 10 cords, 15 cords (neatly piled as good scouts know how).
Kent: "Hey Jason think we have enough for the winter?"
Jason: "Yeah, I don't know"
Kent ":I heard that there is an old Hermit on top the mountain that can tell what winter is like here. Lets go and see him".
Jason: "Yeah, OK".
So they pack up and start the long trek to the top of the mountain, through the woods. (Demonstrate going through rivers, mud, climbing a cliff, rain, encountering bears, mountain lions, cats, chickens (wild variety demonstrate the trip). They finally arrive at the top of the mountain where they find an old Hermit sitting on a rock.
Kent, going up to the Hermit and says, "Oh Wise Hermit I was told that you can tell us how the winter will be. Please help us. We are from the south and we had warm winters and oil heaters!"
Jason: "Yeah"
The Hermit gets up and goes to the edge of the mountain, looks around putting his hand to his brow looks straight in front of him and says, "It will be a cold winter, and a long winter.” He goes back to his rock.
Kent: "Thank you Wise Hermit"
Jason:" Yeah, thanks".
So they turn back to their cabin. (Demonstrate trek in reverse).
Kent: "I do not think that we have enough wood for the winter let's cut more."
Jason: "Yeah, yeah"
So for the next two weeks, they cut wood -- 20 more cords. Now they had 35 cords and the snow started falling in the valley and it was cold.
Kent: "Now we have 35 cords, this should be good for winter".
Jason: Yeah
Kent: "We should go and see the Hermit to ask him how the winter will be."
Jason: "Yeah"
REPEAT THE TREK to find the Hermit on his rock on the top of the mountain.
Kent: "Oh Wise Hermit how will the winter be?"
The Hermit gets up goes to the edge of the mountain looks around puts both hands to his brow and says: "It will be a cold winter, a very cold winter, a very long winter!"
Jason: "Oh yeah"
Kent: "Thank you Wise Hermit."
So back to camp they go. Snow is falling more and more now it is November. Again they cut wood , day and night now they have cut 25 more cords 60 cords in all.
Kent: "I think this should be plenty for the winter. But we should see the Hermit to be safe."
Jason: "Yeah" (Jason should be getting a laugh by now)
So again they trek up the mountain for the third time. (Demonstrate trek again) All tired and sore from their encounters, finally, 5 days later, they got to top of the mountain where the old Hermit is covered with snow sitting on his rock as usual.
Kent: "Oh Wise Hermit, tell us one more time what will the winter be like?"
Jason: "Yeah."
Again the Hermit gets up goes to the edge of the mountain and putting his hand to his brow and says: "It will be a big winter, a very big winter."
Kent: "Oh Wise Hermit tell me how you know this. Is it because of the mountains the animals? I want to learn how to read signs of nature".
Jason: "Yeah"
The Hermit turning to Scouters Kent and Jason he says, "It’s easy. I look down in the valley and from here, I can see two guys cutting and piling firewood like crazy!"
This skit was performed at S-F Scout Ranch at the Famous Eagle Camp during the summer of 1994.
1st boy walks in and draws an imaginary circle on the ground and start to jump up and down on the circle yelling "49...49...49...49"
2nd boy walks in looking puzzled. He comes up to the 1st boy and says "What are you doing??"
1st boy avoids talking to the 2nd boy a couple of times then he stops and tells the other boy he is jumping up and down and yelling 49...49...
2nd boy asks if he can do it.
1st boy say "Sure."
2nd Boy jumps up and down a couple of times while yelling "49...49..." until the 1st boy pulls the imaginary circle out from underneath the 2nd boy. He then places the imaginary circle to the side a bit and starts jumping up and down yelling "50...50...50..."
Cub 1: Ask me if I'm a rabbit.
Cub 2: Okay Are you a rabbit?
Cub 1: Yes. Now ask me if I'm a beaver.
Cub 2: Are you a beaver?
Cub 1: No, stupid. I already told you I was a rabbit!
Teacher: What has five fingers and can be made of leather? Johnny : Eh... I don't know.
Teacher: One glove! Now, what has 10 fingers and can he made of leather?
Johnny : Eh.... I don't know.
Teacher: Two gloves! Now, who is the Governor General of Canada? Johnny : Eh.... Three gloves?
A scout gets up and says, "Tonight, Den ___ is going to present to you a rare public showing of The World's Ugliest Man.
"This man is so ugly, that no one can bear to look upon his face without shrieking and fainting dead away. So, in the interests of safety, we've covered him up with a sheet so all of you in the audience won't need to go to the emergency room."
At this point, the rest of the den brings out Ugly (another one of the cubs), draped in a sheet like a ghost.
Ugly stands in front of the pack with his back to it. The MC says, "To demonstrate how ugly this man is, is there a volunteer who dares to try to look upon his face?"
The den members all raise their hands and ask to do it. The MC picks one, who walks in front of Ugly. Another cub raises the sheet--and of course, the victim screams and faints. The louder the scream and the quicker the collapse, the better.
"Is there another volunteer?" the MC asks. And so on, until all the boys in the den have taken their turn screaming and fainting. By this time, there should be a pile of cubs laying on the floor in front of Ugly.
The MC says, "Well, I see that no cub can take it. Is there an adult who would like to volunteer? How about our Cubmaster? Mr. Farnham, are you brave enough?"
Me (or any other adult leader): "No, I don't dare. I've seen what's happened to you all."
After much cajoling, the adult agrees to come up and try. He walks up in front of the world's ugliest man, the sheet is raised, and--
The world's ugliest man screams and faints!
This is a great skit, guaranteed to get a huge laugh. The boys have a blast doing it, and the parents like it too.
-- Thanks to Pete Farnham, Cub Roundtable Staff, GW District, NCAC, Alexandria, VA
Cub 1: I can lift an elephant with one hand.
Cub 2: I don't believe you.
Cub 1: Give me an elephant with one hand and I'll show you.
Cub 3: I can bend bars with my bare hands.
Cub 4: Iron bars?
Cub 3: No, chocolate bars.
Cub 5: Why are you jumping up and down?
Cub 6: I took some medicine and forgot to shake well before using.
While Cub Master is doing the pack meeting Two adults enter. They are wearing coveralls and motorcycle helmets. They carry their jet (made from an eight foot piece of Styrofoam and set it by the derby track They pay no attention to what Dan is saying..
Cub Master: " Excuse me, gentlemen, EXCUSE ME GENTLEMEN!!!"
This gets First adult's attention and he taps Second adult on the shoulder. They both turn and face Cub Master like men from Devo.
Cub Master: "What are you two trying to do?"
Both Second adult and First adult make flying motions with their arms.
Cub Master: "Oh you two think you are going flying do ya?"
Both Second adult and First adult nod their bodies yes from the waist up. They butt heads??
Cub Master: "Which one of you is the pilot?"
First adult raises his hand.
Cub Master: "What does the other guy do?"
Second adult make the sign of the cross and put his hands together to pray.
Cub Master: "Oh you pray huh? Do either of you two have any flying experience?"
First adult and Second adult pull out paper airplanes from their coveralls and fly them.
Cub Master: "Is that the only experience you have.
Both Second adult and First adult nod their bodies yes from the waist up. They butt heads??
Cub Master: "I'm afraid I am going to have to see your flying permits before I let you take off on our course."
First adult and Second adult look at each other, dig through their pockets, then look at Cubmaster and shrug.
Cub Master: "Well if you don't have any permits you know what that means don't you?"
First adult and Second adult wave good bye and pick up their airplane and leave.
Cub Master: "Yes it means good-bye and don't forget to file your flight permit before you come back.
"I am King, squire, and I need you to bring me my special papers."
Bringing in some diplomatic looking things "Here are your papers, sire."
"Fool! These are not my special papers. Off with his head! Squire two, bring me my special papers! Do not fail!"
Bringing in a Wall Street Journal "Here are your special papers, sire"
"Fool! These are not my special papers. To the dungeons with him! Squire three, bring me my special papers!"
Bringing him a roll of toilet paper "Here are the special papers, sire"
"And just in time!" The king grabs the toilet paper and runs offstage.
-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins
A scout walks to the center of the campfire looking up at the sky, keeping his head and neck very still. Soon he is joined by another scout and then another and so on. Each scout looks around and then begins to look toward the sky. The last scout enters and asked the scout next to him, "what are we looking at. He answers "I don't know." and then that scout asked the next until the question and get to the original scout. The original scout replies: "I don't know. I've got a stiff neck!"
Another 2-person skit you can use on the spur of the moment, if you just so happen to have the props, the main ones being the raincoat and drawings.
Cast: Story teller, Victim, appropriate sound effects & Helpers, raincoat, cup of water
Storyteller: I need a volunteer to take submarine training. (Put victim under the coat and hold up an arm of the coat to use as a periscope.) Now to be a good submarine captain, you must be able to use the periscope. So let's practice a bit. Can you see the fire? How about those tents? The table? The moon? The stars? (Continue until (s)he becomes proficient.) Let's start our mission. You are the captain of this fine submarine, the S.S. Kaput. You are to bring it about on maneuvers and sink enemy ships. So here we go, in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Oh! Here comes an enemy ship to the right! Can you see him? (Show a drawing of a ship.) Blow him up! (When he fires, sink the ship.) Good going! Now turn the submarine to port, and then to starboard (Left & right.) Oh, Oh -- there's a storm brewing. (Shake him a bit.) Do you see that Island? Try to go there to seek cover. Can you see the waves? My, aren't they big? And they're crashing against the rocks! What a big storm! Can you see it? Can you see the waves? No? (Pour the water down the arm.)
A Scout is sitting in his tent which is a mess, everything scattered around. Several other scouts come over and ask what he is doing. The Scout replies he is thinking. The other Scouts continue asking questions and are finally told, "I am thinking about my invention." The other scouts want to help (begging and hamming it up). Finally the Scout says, "OK, but do you rally want to help?" The other scouts plead and beg. The Scout begins to instruct each Scout to pick up items and place them in the tent somewhere, (continue until everything is picked up, thereby cleaning up the tent.) When the tent is completely picked up, the Scout says: "Well that takes care of it". The other scouts, inquire, "takes care of what?". The Scout replies: "My invention, I just invented a way to get my tent cleaned."
Fans are standing in line waiting to buy tickets for the big game, movie, or concert. Four fans are standing in line, saying how much they want to attend the event and wondering when the ticket window is going to open to sell tickets. A person walks up to the front of the line. The fans get upset telling him to not butt in line and to go to the end of the line and began to shove him back. This person tries once more to reach the front of the line and then gives up and says something to the effect; "I'm giving up, they can get someone else to open this ticket window.
[in the USA this could be J.C. Penny or Montgomery Ward]
Number of participants: 4 or more
Props: Articles of clothing
# 2 enters and passes # 1, wearing a hat.
# 1: "Where did you get the hat ?"
# 2: "Timothy Eaton."
# 3: enters and passes # 1 carrying a pair of pants.
# 1: "Where did you get the new pants ?"
# 3: "Timothy Eaton."
Others enter carrying new articles of clothing and offer similar explanations. Finally # 4 enters wearing just underwear.
# 1: "Who do you think you are dressed like that ?"
# 4: "I'm Timothy Eaton !"
"This is Eddy, the amazing trained caterpillar." (Three or four guys with a sheet over them, sort of like a Chinese New Year Dragon.) "Eddy, left!" (Everyone shambles left) "Eddy, right!" (Everyone shambles right.) "Eddy, sit!" (The caterpillar sits.) "Eddy, fetch!" (Throw something that can be picked up with the feet, the first guy gets it with his foot and the others stabilize him, return it.)
"OK, now for Eddy's best trick. We've been practicing this all week. We need a volunteer from the audience. Lie down, and Eddy will walk over you without harming you!" (Eddy does it, but the last guy dumps a glass of water on the volunteer.) "Oh! Sorry! Eddy's not potty-trained yet."
Important Guy: "OK, Aug, I want you to sell these pencils."
Aug: "Pen-solls"
Important Guy: "That's right, Aug. Now, when you see someone coming down the street, I want
you to tell them what you're selling."
Aug: "Pen-solls"
Important Guy: "Yes, Aug. Be more enthusiastic about it!"
Aug, waving his hands in the air: "Pen-Solls!!!"
Important Guy: "Very good, Aug. Now, people will want to buy your pencils, and they'll ask how much they are. They come in $2, $5, and $10 packs. Got that?"
Aug: "Pen-solls?"
Important Guy: "No: Two, Five, Ten."
Aug: "Two .. Five ... Ten!!!"
Important Guy: "I think you've got that. Now Aug, one more thing. Someone might ask why they should buy your pencils. If they ask that, Aug, I want you to tell them this. 'If you don't, somebody else will'".
Aug: "If you don't ... somebody else will!"
Important Guy: "Very good. Now, get out there and sell pencils!"
The important guy wanders offstage, and Aug wanders to the other side of the stage. A man on the street approaches Aug. Aug runs to him waving his hands.
Aug, in his face: "Pen-Solls!!!"
Man on street: "Hey, you're a real jerk! How many people have you done this to?"
Aug: "Two, Five, Ten!"
Man on steed: "You're really asking for a punch in the mouth, buddy."
Aug: "If you don't .. somebody else will!"
Man on street punches Aug, who falls flat, that's the end of the skit.
Two scouts lay down on sleeping bags on the stage. Two other scouts, pretending to be bikers "ride" over to one of the scouts who is on top of the bag and proceed to beat him up. They do anything they want to make it look like they have hurt him. They see him moving and "ride" off.
The scout who just got beat up turns to his buddy and says, "Two bikers just came through the woods and beat me up." His buddy turns to him and says, "It was just a dream, go back to sleep."
This happens two more times, with the bikers beating up the guy, but on the third time, something different happens. The guy who gets beat up turns to his buddy and tells him what happened again. This time his friend says, "Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll switch places with you."
Now the bikers come back and go up to the same sleeping bag again, and one turns to the other and says, "This guy's had enough, let's get the other guy."
-- Thanks to Kevin Garibaldi
Cast: 2 Scouts
There are two scouts, they each say, "I'm the better thief."
"No I'm the better thief."
Then one says, "Wait, lets have a contest, we will walk past each other three times and who ever steals the best thing wins."
The scouts then walk past each other twice pulling out objects such as knife, watch, glasses, etc.
Finally on the third pass, the first scout says, "I've got your wallet, ha, beat that!"
The second Scout looks around nervously then says, "You've got my wallet, well in that case you would win, but ... I've got you're underwear!" And waves a pair of shorts in the air.
This takes about six guys, who form a circle around an invisible blanket, with a small invisible guy (Bruce) who sits in the middle of the invisible blanket and gets tossed.
"We're an Olympic blanket tossing team, and Bruce in the middle here is our star blanket bouncer. We'll toss Bruce a bit just to warm up. One, two, three! One, two, three! One, two, three!"
On three each time, the team lets the pretend blanket go slack, then pull it taught. They watch the invisible Bruce go up in the air, then come down, and the gently catch him again in the blanket. Each time they toss him higher. The team has to be in sync, and they have to watch about the same spot -- the easiest way to do this is to have everyone just imitate the leader, who is the speaker.
"OK, we're all limbered up now?" The team murmurs in agreement. "Then let's toss Bruce a bit higher. One, two, three!"
Bruce comes up, and the team adjusts their position a bit to catch him as he comes down.
"One, two, three!" This wait about ten seconds, and move quite a bit to get under him. Move this way and that before finally catching him.
"One, two, three!" twenty seconds this time, almost lose track of him, adjust the position here, there, and here again.
"What? What's that you say, Bruce?" pause "Audience, you are in luck! Bruce wants to go for the world record blanket toss! Ready team? One! Two! Thu-reee!!!" A mighty toss! The team shifts positions, like trying to catch a high fly ball. "There he goes! He's past the trees! He's really up there!" pause, looking hard into the sky "Do you see him? I've lost him. Where'd he go?" another pause "Oh well." The team leaves the stage, and the program continues.
After another skit and song, and preferably in the middle of awards or announcements of some sort, "Bruce! Quick team!" The blanket tossing team runs back on stage, positions themselves this way and that, and catches Bruce. "Let's have a big hand for Bruce! Yay!!!"
Cast: Customer, Shopkeeper
Setting: Brain Shop
Customer: Hi! I'm bored with myself. I'd like to buy a new brain and have an all new personality.
Shopkeeper: (In one of those evil, horror movie voices) Ahh, yes. Well, I can sell you this brain from Billy Crystal for $5000. Here. Try it. ("Unscrews" head and plops in pretend brain.) How do you feel?
Customer: (In Billy Crystal style voice) Marvelous. I ... feel ... marrrvelous. But I don't think it's me. Can I try another?
Shopkeeper: Okay. Let me see. (Rummages around.) Let's try this one. It's the brain from Captain Kirk. Only $5000.
Customer: (In Kirk voice) Scotty ... Can you fix those transporters? No, a bit too famous for me.
Shopkeeper: Sure. I'll go out back. (Rummages around in back of store.) Here's one from Ronald Reagan. It only costs $5000. How do you feel?
Customer: (In Ronald Reagan style voice) Wellll ... Bonzo, stop that ... I think that this one's still a bit too famous for me.
Shopkeeper: Hmmmm. A tough customer. I'll have to go down to the basement. I'll be back. (Customer comments on the kind of brains he has gotten and what kind he'll get next.) Ahhh, here we are. The best in the house, not famous at all. I guarantee you'll love it. Only $15000. (Yes ... $15000.)
Customer: (Imitates a leader in the crowd for some notorious act, such as putting up the sign and calling out "PACK!" or admonishing the kids or doing a famous routine or the like.) Hmmm ... this is good. But I recognize it. No, wait ... it's (Insert name of person.) I love it! But tell me ... the brains of those three famous people only cost $5000 apiece. This one, however, comes from a virtually unknown, unimportant person. Why does it cost $15000?
Shopkeeper: Well, it's never been used!
This skit has a Brotherhood theme, and is well-suited to the older sections (Scouts and higher) and leaders, particularly in an all-sections campfire. It is best presented near the end of the campfire, when things are winding down (and the children have settled down).
People required for the Skit: 6
Cast:
Old Man with a Staff
Spirit of the Beaver
Spirit of the Wolf Cub
Spirit of the Scout
Spirit of adventure
Spirit of the Rover
(fewer people may be used by doubling up on roles)
Skit Setup: Index cards can be used by the Spirits if there isn't time to memorize each role. (Small Flashlight recommended!)
The Old Man is inside the campfire circle, walking slowly with his staff. He is slightly hunched over with age and leans on the staff heavily.
The Scouting Spirits are evenly spaced outside the campfire circle, just far enough back not to be seen. (They should speak loud and clearly).
NOTE: When the Old Man stops each time and looks into the fire, there should be 2-3 seconds of silence before the Spirits speak.
(The memories that the Old Man says aloud should be specific to the group, so they have relevance to the audience and can feel the full impact of the skit. Consult with other leaders/ youth for ideas.)
The Skit:
OLD MAN (Shuffling slowly around the campfire). "My life has been long, too long, and my Scouting years are behind me. My friends are all gone and I am going to die alone. Old and Alone." (Stops and stares into the fire)
ALL SPIRITS: "SHARING"
SPIRIT OF THE BEAVER: "I am the Spirit of the Beaver. When you were young, I taught you Sharing and Caring for the World."
OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling slowly around the campfire). <Beaver Memory> e.g. "Beavers. I remember Beavers. Riverbanks and the Beaver Pond, making crafts to take home to Mom..." <etc.> (The Old Man stops again and stares into the fire.)
ALL SPIRITS: "A-Ke-Lah"
SPIRIT OF THE WOLF CUB: "I am the Spirit of the Wolf Cub. I taught you to do your best, I led your Pack through the forest and you lived by My Law."
OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the campfire). <Cub Memory> e.g. "Cubs. I remember Cubs. Hot Dog roasts in the bush, my first real camp-out, and of course the Kub Kar races..." <etc>. (The Old Man stops again and stares into the fire.)
ALL SPIRITS: "On My Honor"
SPIRIT OF THE SCOUT: "I am the Spirit of the Scout. I taught you knots and how to camp without a trace, and together we explored the land."
OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the circle). <Scout Memory> e.g. "Scouts. I remember Scouts. Long hikes and long camps, breaking lake ice for water in the winter. And then there was Jamboree..." <etc.> (Stops and stares into the fire.)
ALL SPIRITS: "Challenge"
SPIRIT OF ADVENTURE: "I am the Spirit of adVenture. I taught you leadership and set you free, to test your limits to the skies."
OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the fire). <Venturer Memory> e.g. "Oh, yes, Venturers. Attending Jamboree as a Hikemaster, leading people from around the world into the Rockies. Getting my drivers license and trying to date Rangers..." <etc.> (Stops and stares into the fire)
ALL SPIRITS: "Service"
SPIRIT OF THE ROVER: "I am the Spirit of the Rover. I led you to adulthood and self-destiny. We chose to give back the love we were given through Service."
OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling). <Rover Memory> e.g. "Rovers. I could never forget Rovers. Helping out at Dream-On, putting on District campfires. And then there were the Moots and Road trips. And camps, camps, camps." (Slows down and begins to sink to the ground. He is dying.)
ALL SPIRITS (Walk straight into the campfire circle from where they stand, if possible. They should all arrive at the Old Man's body at the same time. Wait a moment or two.)
"We are the brotherhood of Scouting". <Each section says its name in order - BEAVERS, CUBS, SCOUTS, VENTURERS, ROVERS.> "If you grow up with Scouting you are NEVER alone."
-- Thanks to Gary Nelson
One of those skits Cubs just love and laugh at.
Cast: Kid, Dog, Basketball Player, Car, Jogger and Old Man
Setting: City Street
Kid: Blowing bubbles is just great. Watch. (Blows imaginary bubble; it pops and lands somewhere on the ground.) Hmm. Where did it go? I should look for it. (Goes around and exits, still looking for it.)
Enter dog, who stops, sniffs at gum, pees on it, and exits. Basketball player is dribbling ball when it gets stuck on the gum -- he tries to loosen it and finally does. Car drives right over it. Jogger goes by, his foot gets stuck on it; old man comes by and his cane gets stuck on it. Finally, Kid comes back.
Kid: Ahh! There's my piece of gum! (Picks it up, pops it in his mouth and continues chewing.)
Cast: Several Passengers, Bus Driver, "Stinky"
Setting: Bus
Bus driver drives the bus along the route, and at each stop, more and more people get off the bus, holding their noses, telling the driver to hurry up, pushing against each other, running off the bus, until finally only Stinky and the Driver are left on the bus.
Driver: (Talking to Stinky) Hey! All my passengers left. You know anything about it? (Smells something awful.) Hmm. Something smells -- it must be you.
Did you wash this morning?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Hmm. Deodorant?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Hmm. Clean shirt?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Clean underwear?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Change your socks?
Stinky: Sure! Here are the old ones!
Props: A large cooking pot and mugs for actors
1st Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp coffee is getting worse".
2nd Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp tea is getting worse".
3rd Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp hot chocolate is getting worse".
4th Scout- (Walks up to pot, dips his hands in and takes out a pair of wet socks. As he wrings them out he says) "I thought that would get them clean!"
Cast: 2 People, campfire blanket
Have one person lie down on his back and the other kneel directly over him. The top person wears the campfire blanket so as to hide his legs and expose the legs of the person lying down, to create the effect of it being one person sitting down.
Person: Hi there! Welcome to Don's House of Fine Exercises and Sports Medicine. Today I'm going to ask you about your regular stretching routine. Can you do this? (Lifts up a leg so that it's parallel with the chest.) Or this? (Lifts other leg.) And how about this? (Crosses the legs.) This is an unusual one. Can you do it? (Brings feet around the neck.) And let's not forget this one. Can you do it? (Stretches out the legs in spread eagle fashion in the air.) (Elicit a no answer from a volunteer.) Well, neither can I! (Stands up.)
This one can be really hammed up and included the kid walking up in a dance kind of way and the old storekeeper, being old, very laboriously climbing up a ladder, getting the candy jar, coming down, counting out the candies, and so on.
Cast: Old storekeeper, very young kid (4 years old)
Setting: A Candy Store
Kid: (Kid walks up to storekeeper and asks) I want five of those penny candies way up at the top.
Storekeeper: You mean those penny candies, way, way, waaaaaayy up top?
Kid: Yes, please.
Storekeeper: Sigh! (Kid takes innocent pleasure in watching the storekeeper go up.)
Storekeeper climbs up and get him five candies, and receives the five cents.
This scene repeats itself several times over 3 more days, with the storekeeper being more and more tired each time and becoming equally more frustrated until,
Storekeeper: Oh! I see that kid coming. I know what he's coming to get, so I'll climb up now to get the candies before he comes in and have it ready for him. (Kid walks in.) I bet I know what you want. I bet you want five of the penny candies from way up top, right?
Kid: Nope! Not today!
Storekeeper: Sigh! Now I have to climb back up to put them away. (He climbs up, puts them away, then comes down.) Now, sonny, what would you like today?
Kid: I would like three of those penny candies way up at the top!
"I got this one off of my Part II Scouts. The Trainers did a wonderful job of it and at the blessing just before the monk says his two words, the Abbot would say, in the typical chant tune, "My father plays Dominoes better than your father does..." which was of course hilarious. Having, by pure coincidence, a monk suit with me at the time, my patrol did a skit the following night ("What the heck was that!") that incorporated a monk that chanted, "My father plays Dominoes better than those two guys from last night..." It of course brought the house down. Too bad our punch line not only was nowhere near good enough a line to follow up but was also screwed up." Author
Cast: Monk, Abbot, narrator
Scene: Abbot's office
Narrator: This skit is about the monks in a monastery who are only allowed to speak two words every ten years. Our friendly monk is about to come in and say his two words, after ten long years of silence.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: Bad food!
Narrator: Well, ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come again to say his two words. He of course is not quite as young as he used to be, and walks a touch more slowly.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: Uncomfortable bed!
Narrator: Well, yet another ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come again to say his two words. He is really old at this point, having been at the monastery for thirty, long, devoted years.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: I quit!
Abbot: I'm not surprised! You've been here for thirty years and all you've done is complain!
Cast: 4 Shoppers, Storekeeper, Kid (in underwear, or nightgown), full uniform
Setting: Store
#1: I'd like to buy the Cub Shirt.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have it!") (Comes back with a shirt.)
#2: I'd like to buy the accessories to the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with accessories.)
#3: I'd like to buy the pants to go with the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with pants.)
#4: I'd like to buy the right kind of shoes for the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with shoes.)
Kid: (Comes running out in underwear/swim suit) How am I supposed to go to Cubs without my uniform?
Cast: 2 guys, 2 bikers
Setting: Campground
#1: Well, time to go to bed. AND I GET THE TENT! (Beats up little guy.)
#2: But... Oh well, it's no use. (He sets up his sleeping bag under the stars.)
Bikers: (Make motorcycle noises & come in.) Ha! Ha! Let's beat up this guy! (They beat up little guy.)
Next morning,
#2: Hey! Last night some bikers came here and beat me up!
#1: You're just jealous that I took the tent. Be a man.
The next night and morning, the same routine occurs, with the little guy complaining even more. Finally, the big guy lets the little guy have the tent, with much ado about him being a wimp. That night,
Bikers: (Make motorcycle noises & come in.) You know, I think we've beat up on the guy outside enough the past two nights. Let's beat up the guy inside the tent tonight!
"I'm a reporter. I have been for 12 years. And in all that time, I've never had a real scoop. Never. I'm a failure. I've done this long enough, so now I'm going to jump off this bridge and kill myself. One, two, ..."
"Wait! Wait! Why are you jumping?"
"I'm a failed reporter. I've never had a real scoop."
"Oh. You think you have it bad, I'm a truck driver, and I've got hemorrhoids. I think I'll join you."
"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you all doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Oh, I'm a grade school teacher. I just realized that I can't stand whiney little kids. I think I'll join you."
"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Well I'm a florist, and I've got hay fever." sneeze! "I think I'll join you."
"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "I'm a dentist, hic and I've had the hiccups for the last hic five years. Would you like a tooth removed hic?" He holds one of those pointy dentist things, and each time he hics his hands jerk around "No!" "Then I think I'll hic join you."
"One! Two! Three!!!" They all jump, except for the reporter.
"Four people jump to their grisly deaths! What a scoop!" He runs offstage, scribbling furiously on his notepad.
Three guys are sitting on a park bench. Goober is quietly reading, Gomer is pretending to swim in a lake (jumps off bench and swims around). Gopher is pretending to be fishing, reeling fish after fish. Policeman comes in and watches them. Policeman asks Goober if he knows the other two men. Goober says they are his friends. The policeman thinks Goober ought to take care of his friends. Goober says okay and asks the others to climb into his boat. The policeman ask Goober what he is doing: Goober says: "Somebody has to row the boat" pretends to row off stage (the policeman staring after them, shaking his head in disbelief).
Boys on a flight to Germany or other destination. They act up and really give the stewardess or steward (den leader, 11 year old patrol leader etc.) a hard time. Finally, one of them bumps into her/him and knocks a tray on him/her. The steward/stewardess smiles and says, "Why don't you boys just run outside and play."
An easy 2-person skit if you have only one person who's thirsty.
Cast: 2 or 3 People, cup of water, combs, Narrator
Setting: Sahara Desert
Narrator: Here are some poor, thirsty men on the desert who've been stranded on the desert for days. Let's watch.
Two or three people are crawling, calling out for water. Time to really ham it up. Finally, they see the cup of water and stagger for it, reaching out. Finally, they get to the water and,
People: Ahhhh! (Relieved -- they take out combs, dip them in water and begin to comb hair.)
On stage you have a boy concealed in a sleeping bag that is open on both ends, he is the Giant worm. Several "hikers" happen upon the worm. The hikers are eating and carrying with them a supply of candy bars. They look at each other in amazement ask each other "I wonder what he eats" The hikers hold some candy bars near the mouth of the worm. The worm gobbles up the candy bars wrappers and all. Then the worm quickly discards empty wrappers form the other end.(stuff happens). The hikers run away. Another group of hikers comes along drinking soft drinks and repeats the routine. The third group comes along with nothing to eat or drink. this group should have your smallest scout. this group also ponders what this giant worm would et. At that moment the worm gobbles the smallest scout. Then discards a pair of pants and shirt out the other end. The worm walks off with the eaten scout under the sleeping bag. The hikers run away.
Props: a large pot, several spoons, and a floor mop. A chef's hat would also be useful.
Announcer: This scene takes place in the camp Dining Hall.
(Several boys are seated around a large pot, sampling the imaginary contents with the spoons.)
Scott : Boy, this is sure good soup.
Brad : Yep, it's got REAL flavor.
David : Sure is, why it's even better than my Mom makes.
Matthew: Oh yeah. It's the best food I've eaten at camp all week.
Cook : (Enters waving floor mop and shouting) Hey you guys ! Get out of my mop water !!!
The setting can be either a king or a boss in his office who beckons to a courtier or assistant that he wants his royal or important papers. The person runs in with a sheath of papers, the king or boss quite agitated tosses them aside and demands that they bring him his important papers. Other people bring in other things one at a time such as a Boy Scout Handbook etc. the king throws them aside and gets more and more upset demanding that he have his important papers. At last the some one comes in with a roll of toilet paper (court jester, office boy etc.). The king knights him or the boss promotes him thanking him profusely and runs off the stage in visible relief.
Need: 4 (or more) scouts .
First boy is squatting as though sitting on an invisible bench. The second boy comes in and asks what the first is doing.
"I'm sitting on the invisible bench."
"Can I join you?"
"Sure, there's plenty of room."
Second boy pretends to sit.
A third boy comes along, and the scene repeats.
Go on for as many boys as you want.
When the last boy comes along, asks and is answered, he says "But I moved it over there this morning!"
AAAAHHHHHH!!!! All seated boys fall down.
Cast: Captain Kidd, Other people walking by, Mirror
Setting: Street
C.K.: I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, ugliest pirate to roam the seas. Watch this. (Tries to scare first man walking by.)
Man: I'm not scared of you!
C.K. keeps on trying to scare people going to work ("Late for work!") walking the dog (Dog runs up and starts to play with C.K.) kids (they laugh, "Hey! Halloween isn't till next month!") and so on. Finally, he's quite dismayed.
C.K.: Hmm. Maybe I'm not so scary after all. Maybe I should go into movies. (Looks at himself in the mirror.) Ahhh! (Runs away scared.)
Version 1:
Have several boys standing in a line (facing the audience) with one arm on the next boys shoulder. The first boy in line looks at the second and asks the second boy, "IS it time yet?" The second boy asks the third boy the same question and so on down the line. The boy at the end of the line looks at his watch and says to the boy next to him, "No, its not time yet," and this continues on up the line to the first boy in the line again with each boy saying it in turn. This can continue a couple times; then when it gets to the last boy, he says, "It's time!" and when the message gets back to the first boy each boy moves his arm from the other's shoulder and puts his other arm on the boy next to him.
Version 1:
One Scout is standing on stage. A Second Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "Those are nice shoes. Where did you get them?" The Second Scout says, "J. C. Penny [J.C. Penny is a department store in the USA.] " and walks off.
A Third Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice shirt. Where did you get it?" The Third Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.
A Fourth Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice pair of pants. Where did you get them?" The Fourth Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.
A Sixth Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice hat. Where did you get it?" The Sixth Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.
A Seventh Scout walks up wearing only a towel. The First Scout says, "Who are you?" The Seventh Scout says, "I'm J. C. Penny."
Norbert is an unusual young Scout who is very proud of being self-sufficient, and likes to tell us about his ability. He is a little uncoordinated, much to the delight of the audience.
This skit is best presented indoors with a relatively small audience, so Norbert's demonstration is appreciated up close. The skit is best if not rehearsed.
Preparation
Norbert is two people. One is seen by the audience from the waist up. His hands are inserted into a large pair of boots that are propped up on the table. He has a blanket-covered hunch back, which conceals the second Scout. The second Scout reaches his hands under the arms of the first; these are Norbert's hands. The visible Norbert should be a Scout who likes to talk and can keep a happy outlook in the face of some physical discomfort.
Collect all materials in advance, and plan the order in which they will be used. Encourage the Scouts to suggest ideas, but do not plan too many activities. The skit should not run more than 10 minutes at the most. A plastic sheet on the floor will help with the cleanup.
The Skit
The curtain opens, and Norbert is seated behind a table. The table is draped with a blanket or sheet so that the audience cannot see behind it.
Norbert introduces himself, gesturing with his hands. He knows that he looks a little strange, but he is a very capable and independent Boy Scout. He is very proud that he knows how to take care of himself. Norbert would like to show us how he gets up in the morning. As he demonstrates, he talks about what he is doing.
"First, I wash my face." A Scout brings a basin of water and a washcloth. He washes, getting water over a wide area.
"Then, I shave." Applies shaving cream and shaves. (Use a safety razor without a blade!)
Because the person operating his hands cannot see, the results are, well, interesting. He washes off the soap and dries his face on a towel.
Norbert then puts toothpaste on his toothbrush and brushes his teeth. He brushes his hair.
Once he has cleaned up and the washing materials have been removed, it is time for breakfast -- a good big bowl of oatmeal, which he eats with a large spoon. He uses a big napkin to wipe his face. "Umm, that was good!"
Now he is ready to face the day. All he needs is his hat, a knitted cap.
Norbert thanks all the nice people for coming to see him. He hopes they have enjoyed their visit!
Cast: Leader, 3 or 4 Kids
Setting: Meeting Hall
Leader: Boys, they're having a contest to redesign the World Conservation
Badge. So you guys should try to come up with some ideas.
Kids: Sure thing, Akela.
After a pause, #1 comes in.
#1: Here's an idea, Akela.
Leader: Hmm... not bad. But isn't that too dull?
#2: Akela! Look at this!
Leader: Really nice, but the design is too complicated for the badgemakers to put on a badge.
#3: I have a really good one, Akela!
Leader: Very good. But I think it's too big.
#4: This is it Akela! It's sure to be a winner!
Leader: This is perfect! It's bright enough, simple to make, and the right size. Where did you come up with this idea?
#4: It's a copy of the old badge!
Run through a short movie scene. Use jerky motions, flashlight flicker, etc. Just as the scene is about to end, the narrator says, "Oh no! Something's wrong; it's going backwards!" Then run through the whole scene backwards. Keep the scene short to only a minute or two.
Back in the “Old West” a father lines up his three sons. "One of you pushed our outhouse over the cliff two nights ago. Which one of you did it?" "Not me" "Not me!" "Not me!!!"
"Come on, I promise not to punish you. Who did it?"
"Not me!" "Not me!" "Not me!"
"Let me tell you a story of our great American hero, George Washington. When he was a boy, he chopped down a cherry tree. His father came to him and asked, 'George, did you chop down that cherry tree?' 'I cannot tell a lie, father, I chopped down the cherry tree,' said little George. 'You should not have done that, but since you told the truth, I will not punish you.' And George Washington grew up to be President of the United States!"
"Now I ask you. Who pushed our outhouse over the cliff?"
"Not me!" "Not me!" "I cannot tell a lie, father, I pushed the outhouse over the cliff."
"!@#$%!!!" (The father whips the son who pushed the outhouse over the cliff.)
"Why did you whip me, Father? When George Washington told the truth, his father did not punish him!"
"George Washington's father wasn't IN the tree when George Washington chopped it down!"
Cast: policeman; three boys; police chief. (Policeman hustles scuffed looking boy up to boy sitting at the table marked CHIEF.)
Policeman: Here's a bunch of trouble- makers for you, sir.
Chief: O.K. constable. I'll deal with this. (dismisses officer, turns sternly to Boy 1.) Well, now. Why are you here?
Boy 1: (embarrassed) I threw peanuts into the lake. (Chief looks puzzled)
Chief:(sternly to Boy 2 ) Any why, then, were you brought in??
Boy 2: (defensively) I threw peanuts into the lake.(Chief scowls angrily)
Chief: (Bellows at Boy 3) And you! What have you got to say for yourself?
Boy 3: I'm Peanuts, Sir! (All exit)
Version 2:
Cast: Judge, Bailiff, 3 (or more) Scruffy Guys, Peanuts (person)
Setting: Courthouse
Judge: Order in the court! Order in the court! Bring in the first case!
Bailiff brings in a scruffy guy.
Judge: What's your problem?
#1: Duh, I like to throw Peanuts against walls! Hic!
Judge: 30 days psychiatric treatment! Next!
Bailiff brings in two more such characters, one likes to throw Peanuts out the window, into a lake, likes to hit Peanuts with a hammer and so on. Judge responds the same way and becomes increasingly bored, saying "Oh, not another," "Why do they send me all the loonies," and so on. Finally the bailiff brings in the last, really scruffy, bloodied, shirt torn, no shoes, so on.
Judge: What's your problem? (Sigh....)
Peanuts: I'm Peanuts! (Passes out.)
Version 3:
Cast: Narrator, 3 Scruffy guys, Curious Person, Peanuts
Setting: Building Roof
Narrator explains that these four guys are on the top of a building and looking over the edge.
Curious person: What are you guys looking at?
#1: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
#2: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
#3: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
"Peanuts" comes crawling up to the top of the building.
Curious person: Who are you?
Peanuts: I'm Peanuts! (Passes out.)
! (Throw peanuts into crowd.)
Cast: Customer, Shopkeeper
Setting: Pet Shop
Customer: I'd like to buy a turtle.
Shopkeeper: Well, here's one of the only three turtles I have left -- they sell real well out here but turtle shipments are few and far between.
Customer: Gee, thanks! Just the kind I was looking for, too!
Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is a little distraught.
Customer: Look! He's dead already! How old was he?
Shopkeeper: Here, here. Let me see. Hmm. Look, having pets die on customers on the first day they buy them is bad for business, so here's a new one. No charge.
Customer: Thank you! That's so gracious of you.
Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is more distraught.
Customer: Are you sure these turtles are okay? This one died on me too!
Shopkeeper: Let me see. Hmm. Well, here's the last of my three turtles, and though I won't get another shipment for a while, you can have it for free.
Customer: You are the nicest man I know. Thank you so much!
Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is hysterical and crying.
Customer: What are you trying to do to me? This one died too!
Shopkeeper: Let me see this. This is bugging me too. Say. They all have scratches on the shells. Why? What were you doing with them?
Customer: (Sniffing) Well, I was only trying to give my car a turtle wax!
Otherwise known as "The Empty Boxes" in the Leader Magazine. Text from The Best of the Leader Cut Out Pages.
Cast: Manager, Guard, 3 Workmen, large cardboard boxes.
Setting: Factory Gate.
Manager: (To new guard) I'm giving you the very responsible position of gate guard at this factory. Because of the lack of vigilance by your predecessors, the workers have stolen so many finished articles that the firm is heading for bankruptcy. Your duty is to ensure this is brought to an end. Do you understand?
Guard: Yes Sir. I am to stop stealing.
Manager: That's right. You can search people if necessary. Now it's up to you, and let's see some results.
Guard: Very good, Sir. (Manager leaves; guard takes post; first workman enters carrying a cloth draped box.) Just a moment. What have you got in that box?
#1: What do you mean?
Guard: What have you got in that box? It's my duty to see that no one takes stuff out of the factory.
#1: Why didn't you say? There's nothing in the box. Look! (He shows everyone the box is empty.)
Guard: Oh, well, that's all right then.
#1 leaves and #2 enters, box draped as before. Guard and workman go through routine of looking in the box. Repeat with #3. After #3 has left, the manager races in enraged.
Manager: You idiot! I hired you to stop this pilfering. You've only been here half an hour and already we're losing things!
Guard: But the only people who went out were three men with boxes. I stopped them all and they all had nothing in them.
Manager: You fool! We make boxes!
Guard: What have you got in that box? It's my duty to see that no one takes stuff out of the factory.
#1: Why didn't you say? There's nothing in the box. Look! (He shows everyone the box is empty.)
Guard: Oh, well, that's all right then.
#1 leaves and #2 enters, box draped as before. Guard and workman go through routine of looking in the box. Repeat with #3. After #3 has left, the manager races in enraged.
Manager: You idiot! I hired you to stop this pilfering. You've only been here half an hour and already we're losing things!
Guard: But the only people who went out were three men with boxes. I stopped them all and they all had nothing in them.
Manager: You fool! We make boxes!